Me: Are you sexually active?
Patient A: No.
Me: So, when was the last time you had sex?
Patient A: Last week.
Me: I’m sorry, I thought you said you weren’t sexually active. Should I have asked that differently?
Patient A: You should have just asked me if I have sex.
Me: Do you have sex?
Patient B: Not really.
Me: So you’re not sexually active.
Patient B: No, I am.
Me: And the last time you had sex was…?
Patient B: Yesterday.
Me: I seem to be asking the wrong question…
Patient B: You should just ask me when was the last time I had sex.
Me: When was the last time you had sex?
Patient C (annoyed): How do you know I have sex?
Me: I was just asking…
Patient C: Why not just ask me if I’m sexually active?
I practice medicine, cook and wax prolific in New York City. You can call me Peggy. Or Dr P. Just don't call me late for dinner.
Sometimes you just can’t win, can you?
Perhaps you should ask:
“When you have sex, are you active?”
or
“Are you engaging in activities apart from sex?”
or
“Do you consider sex an activity?”
The truth is, we ask it on a piece of paper and it seems to be easier for them to circle “yes” than it would be for them to do it answering directly.
Rob
By the way – I very much enjoy reading your blog as well. I usually “lurk” due to time constraints.
Best answer (from med school; probably apochryphal):
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
(I started to say how I handle this, but I realized it’d make a cool post. I shall of course link and credit you.)
Wait a minute: you ask people if they had sex for a living.
Well, you know what I mean.
How often do you have sex…
with another person?
without needing batteries?
without imagining George Clooney in your bed?
What counts as sex? That’s actually more real than facetious.
Does it depend on what “is” means?
Bardiac:
Ah, you’ve hit on the crux of this pst. While it is humorous, it actually is meant to point to the real dilemma I face every day – what is the best (and to be honest, the easiest and quickest) way to get an accurate sexual history? The kind of history that lets me know if my patient is at risk for pregnancy or STD’s, which changes my differential diagnoses tremendously if she is presenting with any sort of complaint. I am continually stymied by the answers I get, and have learned always to ask a second question to get at the information I really care about.
Judy:
It’s impossible….
Rob:
I too use a piece of paper, but sometimes need a bit more clarity than a yes…
Ditto re your blog.
#1:
Look forward to reading it.
Andy
Linda:
You imagine George too?
As someone who is “still looking” (a really long time now, like years), I’d say answering “no” when it is the truth is a bit embarassing, like something is wrong with me.
So, I usually joke “nobody wants me” or something like it.
Reminds me of the old joke…
Doctor: DO you smoke after sex?
Patient: I don’t know, I never looked!
LOL! Gotta phrase the question just right – for the right person!
It was the funniest thing I’ve read this week. Thank you for posting this!
So funny…..
Reminds me again that every encounter takes a unique approach.
Enjoying your blog; just “found” it today.
I loved it and linked it!
Thank you.
I thought this must be some zen thing — guess not!