Grand Rounds, Vol 4, No 42 – The Seinfeld Edition

Most things in life can be related, one way or another, to an episode of Seinfeld.

It’s true. That TV show which claimed to be “about nothing” pretty much said everything that needed to be said about, well, everything.

Take this week’s Grand Rounds, the best of the Medical Blogosphere. It’s totally Seinfeld. Every post. Why I can hear Jerry, even now…

Grand Rounds? Can someone please explain what that’s about? I mean, is it Grand as in “large”? Or Grand is in “Isn’t that grand?”

No one says “Isn’t that grand?” anymore unless they’re 95 and in a nursing home for retired stage actors. In which case they should definitely not be practicing medicine.

And why do they call it “Rounds”? Is everyone standing in a circle singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat? What’s that got to do with medicine?

Or is it Rounds like a round of golf? D0 you guys keep score? “I shot a bogey on that appendectomy today. Lost a Titelist sponge somewhere behind the cecum.”

Doesn’t that make your nurse sort of like a caddy? “Nurse, hand me my 9 scalpel. Or do you think I should wedge it out?”

Grand Rounds. Now that I think if it, it sounds like some sort of Melba cracker you serve with cheese. “Would you like some Gruyere on a Grand Round? Oh do try it – It’s Grand!”

Cut to Jerry’s apartment, where his friend Dr Crippin, visiting from the UK, is ranting about how he is tired of the livers of his fellow citizens being given out to foreigners. Not an English citizen? NO LIVER FOR YOU!

Kramer tells the group he wants to listen in on doctor’s conversations, and wonders if Jerry’s deaf girlfriend, who reads lips, can hang out out in the OR and find out what they are saying. Joshua Schwimmer reminds Kramer about the fiasco when he tried that last time, and suggests that instead, Kramer hang out online in the Doctor’s Room at Friend Feed.

RL Bates has a great post on the retracted nipple – when it’s normal, when it’s not, and how to manage both. Elaine appears not to have that problem, as everyone who got her Christmas card can see.

Jerry may have gotten in trouble for using the F- Word in a Yogurt Shop, but Rural Doc finds out it can be pretty f*$#ing helpful in the Labor and Delivery Room. Great post!

When Kramer drops a Junior Mint into an open abdomen during surgery, the patient is miraculously cured. But Doc Gurly reminds us that lack of proper sterile technique can have disastrous consequences.

Dr Shock tells us that drug use does not appear to be related to drug policy, as countries with more stringent policies (e.g., the US) did not have lower levels of illegal drug use than countries with more liberal policies (e.g.,The Netherlands). Meanwhile Jerry and George wonder where Holland is.

Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer are waiting at the Chinese Restaurant for a table. “You ever notice how happy people are when they finally get a table?” says Elaine. “They feel so special because they’ve been chosen. It’s enough to make you sick.” Dr Jokes overhears Elaine. “Hmm.. I wonder what would happen if the restaurant treated her as if she were sick, and used the medical office model?” Unfortunately, Elaine never finds out, because they never get a table.

The wait for the restaurant on the show occurs in real time – 23 minutes. During which time, basically nothing happens. Well, nothing other than the earth moving. And The Samurai Radiologist can tell you exactly how far it moved during that wait in the restaurant. Or during the time you had sex. Or any thing you happen to be doing. Pretty cool.

Dr Toni Brayer
shows us just how impossible it can be to figure out what the costs are for a hospital procedure. Reminds me of the episode where George finds out be needs his tonsils removed.

GEORGE: (To Jerry) Let me ask you something.. How much do you think it would cost to have tonsils and adenoids removed in the hospital?

JERRY: Well, an overnight stay in a hospital? Minor surgery? I dunno, four grand.

GEORGE: Uh-huh. And how much does the healer charge?

KRAMER: First visit? Thirty-eight bucks.

GEORGE: Oh, yeah? Holistic.. that’s what I need. That’s the answer.

Elaine’s boss, J Peterman, is off again on a world jaunt, this time to visit his friend the traveling Doc Kate. She’s in Pakistan, training the locals on how to diagnose and treat Sexually Transmitted Infections. Stay safe, Dr Kate.

George has a massage that stimulates him in a way he’s a bit uncomfortable with. Next time he should just read Fixing Posture and learn to take care of his back himself. And if he decides on aquatic therapy, Dean Moyer at the Back Pain Blog has everything he needs to know.

Elaine can’t sleep because a dog is barking outside her window. Or, wonders Dr Nancy Brown, is it just her hormones?

Kramer loves his hot tub. It relaxes him. And it’s not just in his head. Relaxation techniques can favorably affect the expression of stress related genes, according to new research discussed at Neuroanthropology.

Elaine has a rash that needs diagnosis, but no doctor will look at her rash because she has been labeled as a difficult patient. Too bad she didn’t see House. He’d have figured it out, knows Monash Medical Student, just as he diagnosed this week’s case of subacute sclerosing pan-encephalitis.

When the conversation gets rough, try to find the humor, says Barbara Kivowitz at In Sickness and in Health. Maybe that’s why Julia Dreyfuss can’t stop laughing every time Mr Costanza tries to get off that famous line “You wanna’ piece of me?

Kramer hires an intern to get all his stuff done. Too bad he didn’t read Apple Quack’s two part post on project management.

The group has a contest to see who can remain “Master of their Domain” the longest. Kramer is the first to go. Maybe it because he eats watermelon, which JC Jones tells us increases blood flow to the genitals and may increase libido.

Anesthesiaoboist has compiled a very nice gallery of Medicine in Art, including my favorites, the ancient Persian drawings. I think she might also have included this painting of the famous Dr Van Nostrand…

Did you know that it was Rodney Dangerfield who gave Jerry Seinfeld his biggest break, by featuring him on his HBO special? Maybe Diabetes needs a break too, says Amy at Diabetes Mine. It’s the Rodney Dangerfield of diseases, ranked by the public lower than other less serious diseases as a cause of mortality.

The Cockroach Catcher has a fascinating post this week about how dried Chinese plums can be used as natural oral rehydration therapy. Hmm..maybe Kramer should try some. Those pretzels are making him thirsty.

Kramer and Jerry’s landlord has replaced their shower heads with low flow models to save money on water, and no one feels like themselves without a good shower. That’s pretty much what the government has been trying to do with health care costs since Medicare was started. At least I think I got that right. It’s very complicated, and Covert Rationing does a great job of trying to explain it.

George’s girlfriend can’t have sex with him for 6 weeks, and he discovers that without sex, he gets smarter. Maybe he should have read Dr Alvarez’s post on brain health and found some other way.

David E Williams has written a fascinating post about how a man’s Google search led to his conviction for murdering his wife using ethylene glycol. Hmm.. Do you think George might have googled “wedding envelope glue death“?

Vitum Medicus compares the med school class of 1960 to that of 2010, in his post Are Today’s Medical Students Wusses?. Hopefully, they are nicer than Elaine’s boyfriend who breaks up with her after he becomes a doctor. Or, as he puts it “I’m sorry, Elaine. I always knew that after I became a doctor, I would dump whoever I was with and find someone better. That’s the dream of becoming a doctor.”

Elaine loves her Big Salad. But she’d better be careful- those tomatoes may have salmonella, says Paul Auerbach. Read his post for a great summary of the problem, plus some great advice on food handling.

R Murse summarizes California’s new regulations to help fight prescription drug abuse, but it’s too late to catch Jerry’s drug-using accountant, who’s already left the country.

For Chronic Babe, mixing it up occasionally is important in keeping healthy habits, whether it’s a change in routine or a new recipe. I’d say that’s something to dance about, wouldn’t you?

Kramer, as always, is the only member of the group with a heart (most of the time, anyway)… He’d have liked these following posts –
  • Little Hailey has an incurable and fatal disease, and her only hope may lie in an experimental treatment being done in China. InsureBlog’s Henry Stern asks whether the airline that was supposed to fly her there did the right thing by refusing to.
  • Dr Val tells the story of a young teenage mother who beats the odds in her review of the book Glori, a Different Story.
  • PalMD uses a special pen when he writes notes to the relatives of recently departed patients. It’s too important a task to relegate to anything else. What a nice post.
  • Susan Palwick of Rickety Contrivances has a wonderful post telling of a moving encounter she had with a pscyh patient.
  • One of Dr Rob’s favorite patients is dying. His post reminds me of all the wonderful patients I have, and how they enhance my life. Thanks, Dr Rob for a wonderful post.
  • Sudeep Bonsai wonders just how aggressive to be in treating an elderly depressed and very ill patient with congestive heart failure. Sounds to me like he did the right thing. See what you think.
  • How to Cope with Pain has some suggestions to awaken Joy. She’s clearly a glass half full person.
  • My heart goes out to Lisa, who has Cushing’s Disease. Stop on by and give her an encouraging word.
And that’s it, folks. Proof that everything in life, or at least in the medical blogosphere, can be related to Seinfeld.
Thanks to all who submitted posts. I tried to include everyone, although a few duplicate posts on the same topic came in, and so I took the one that arrived first. A few posts arrived late on Monday, and I’m sorry I just could not include them. If that was your first time submitting, and I didn’t include you, please don’t be discouraged – after all, there’s always next week!

Thanks as always to Nick Genes of Blogborygmi, who makes it all happen. Next week’s Grand Rounds will be held at Unprotected Text.

26 Responses to Grand Rounds, Vol 4, No 42 – The Seinfeld Edition

  1. Wow, that was original, well written, and creative! I missed the sponge-worthy allusion though… as an Ob/Gyn I figured that’d come up! 🙂

  2. Outstanding!

    In fact, you can have soup!

    Thank you for hosting, and for including our post.
     

  3. TBTAM,

    I bow to your blogging genius. If you were to be reviewed in Variety, it would read…

    “Fantastic post. TBTAM hits a home run!”

    “Stupendous performance”

    “Second to none”

    “Seinfeld should be so funny!”

  4. I LOVE IT!!!!! Best theme ever. Thanks for all of your hard work. You should do stand-up in your spare time.

    MJ

  5. Amy – I myself didn’t know it was going to be Seinfeld until I started pulling it together on Monday.

    Thanks for the plum.

  6. Truly great fun for Grand Rounds! Thanks again for hosting & for including my post…love the work you are doing here on the whole HPV controversy. JC

  7. This was great! You are one talented lady! Loved the Grand rounds opening. I could here Jerry’s voice. 🙂

    One of my favorite shows and never tire of the reruns.

    My favorite show is the soup nazi..and loved the sponge worthy episode with Elaine and Newman and Kramer hauling cans out of state with the mail truck. So many good shows and laughs. 🙂

  8. this has to be one of the funniest posts i’ve read in a long time. Gotta love seinfeld, but now that it’s off the air I watch Curb Your Enthusiasm.

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